#and the idea that that's a selfish choice

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

@fictionalcreator

Currently rereading the novel for my fic and my god, Cale really do be the little shit type. Man's out here spouting bullshit left and right. He thinks he's scamming other people but he's running the biggest scam on himself??

Like what do you mean you're scamming the Jungle by putting out their fire in exchange for land? That's called employment?? What sort of job did you do before?

What do you mean you're gonna use On and Hong, and force Choi Han to pay for his meals? You're gonna scam Eruhaben, or put Raon to work? Saved Hannah and Jack, using them to topple the Empire? They already wanted to do that, dumbass. You give these people food, a house, affection and mental stability, and you think you're scamming them?

Man's biggest scam is deluding himself.

The funniest thing is reading about how at one point, Adin considers the two of them to be alike. Meanwhile, Cale's out here kicking ass and taking names with the power of friendship.

[aizenat]

I really don’t know if it was intentional, but this season of squid games felt more like a commentary on how selfish and cruel and evil men are when it comes to getting what they want. And specifically willing they are to screw over women, let women die for them or throw us under the bus to save themselves, all so they can get their own way.

We see women in this show help and protect each other. Hyun-Ju and Geum-Ja protecting Jun-Hee, and even keeping her safe during and after she gives birth. Geum-Ja even killing her own son to do so; something she can’t live with and takes her own life over (after begging Gi-Hun to look out for her; I also wonder if part of the reason she killed herself was because she knew he wouldn’t ignore a dead old woman’s final wish, and so she knew it would make him help Jun-Hee). Jun-Hee ensures her child (who is also a girl) is safe with Gi-Hun before she takes herself out, trusting him to keep the baby safe.

And the way all the men immediately target the baby, wanting to kill it immediately. And even the baby’s father seeming to want to protect it too only to reveal at the end that he always intended to toss the baby away if it served him. And he was willing to kill it just to win the entire thing himself.

And what I liked is how every man (Gi-Hun excluded for reasons in a bit) showed what selfish, weak, wimps they are. Geum-Ja’s son had multiple chances to kill someone in his last game, but his cowardice made him back out. So desperate, he goes crying to his mother and can’t even let her sacrifice herself for him, instead attacking another (new) mother and child in some stupid idea of not hurting his mother. Min-Su crashing out over how he watched and let his crush, the only girl who stood up for him against bullies (to the point of being targeted by them herself, leading to her death) and even crying after killing the shaman woman; he thinks himself a good and “nice” guy only to either stand by while others die for him, or even facilitated their deaths himself (including Nam-Jyu and that cheeky sabotage). Essentially, Min-Su wasn’t as innocent as he liked to act like he was; the cognitive dissonance of his sense of self versus his selfish and cruel actions for self preservation leads to his psychotic distress (that ultimately led to his death). Dae-Ho, who’s cowardice led to Gi-Hun’s rebellion failing, and essentially led to everyone dying and nothing about the games changing, fashions himself a good man too. He meant to return the magazines after all! He just got suuuuper scared! 🥺

Every man was in that game for himself. And maybe you can understand that in the final game (though we see how they quickly all turned on each other for personal gain easily, especially Myung-Gi, who literally switched sides multiple times depending on the situation in an attempt to be the only winner), but the selfish and callous way they disregarded every other human life.

Like the scene that stood out the most to me with this was watching the men try to convince Gi-Hun to let them kill the baby. The way they tried to make it sound like the logical choice. It’s a baby after all, and sure they don’t WANT to do it—some of them have kids themselves too!—but it’s just logical until the next round and they can just choose lots then! Totally fair and democratic! I mean, the majority voted for it and surely you can’t deny us our democratic right here! It didn’t matter what cruelty we’ve “voted for” and that you don’t agree and will protect the baby with your life; you should honor what WE voted for!

And it was the mockery of “democracy.” It was essentially a gerrymandered vote; useless to cry democracy when it’s six men vs one man and a baby. The baby is part of the equation but can’t even vote! It’s just platitudes of “fair politics” when they purposely set it up so they would win. The baby has no say whatsoever, and they don’t even see the unfairness in that.

The only man who is redeemed is Gi-Hun: the only man willing to put his entire life on the line for the baby. So much so that when he’s on that final platform and sees the game technically didn’t start after Myung-Gi died, he hits the button easily knowing what he must do. Choosing to end his own life so the baby can live. Since she was technically the winner, he probably thought “if she has all that money, she’ll be fine.” Gi-Hun knows that the games will give her the money. She’ll live and live well; someone will take care of her. Or, at least, she’ll have a chance.

Gi-Hun’s entire arc the first time was about getting the money for his mother and to support his daughter. He fails to get back in time to save his mother’s life, and he all but abandoned his daughter for years (which we see led to her essentially hating him in the scene where In-Ho gives her the remains of Gi-Hun’s initial winnings) in order to try to find and stop the games. He fails the women in his life, and continues to fail them in this game. Until a little old lady begs him to keep a new mother and her baby alive. The last girls of the game. And the easiest and obvious targets for a whole bunch of selfish men.

The men’s selfishness is highlighted as a special cruelty they seem to have only. The women protect each other, help each other, and likely would have only turned on each other ONLY if the games forced them to. But they intended to help each other every game so long as they could. But the men almost every game were in it for themselves only. They screwed over whoever they could, were willing to get violent whenever with whoever just for an advantage. And by all of them participating, it was a permission structure they all could cling to if they felt guilty (Min-Su asking “why am I wrong?” as he’s killed because all he did was what all the other men were doing! The irony being because he didn’t stick by his morals and just did what the other men did being the reason for his downfall; his inability to stand up on his own with integrity, even at the cost of his own life or safety if need be, is literally why he was chosen first to die), but it also gives them an expectation to meet. And those men who fail to meet it are also targets.

This is why Gi-Hun becomes a target; because he was willing to even return to the games to save them. He’s too selfless. He’s even protecting a child that’s not his. It’s even why Myung-Gi does the typical man thing when asking why Gi-Hun won’t give the baby up of assuming the only reason that this man—this stranger to him—could possibly care about Jun-Hee and her baby HAS to be because he knew her before and was fucking her. And you see how red and furious he gets at the very idea despite the fact that he and Jun-Hee were not a couple. And she spent the entire games denying his help because he was dead to her. Even when he COULD have helped her during the jump rope game, he didn’t even try. When Jun-Hee mocks him like “are you going to carry me” and he pretends to get all sad before leaving her, all I could think was “if Gi-Hun was going to go back and help her, how did they think he would? You could at least fucking TRY to help her you literal wasteman!”

But no, because he can’t risk himself not passing. So he just leaves her there, pretending he cares. Then a day later tries to use her baby as a sacrifice to win the whole thing.

What I also love about Gi-Hun’s sacrifice too is how he ends up making a statement of what the myth of male protection actually looks like. We hear from the patriarchy all the time how women NEED men to “provide and protect.” But none of these men are providers. They all sacrifice women for self gain, so they’re not protectors. Even Gi-Hun was very much so like that before. He couldn’t provide for his daughter; another man is doing that in America. He couldn’t provide or protect his mother; she died. And when he fails with the coup, he falls back into it in his mission to take out Dae-Ho.

But with Jun-Hee and her baby, he’s able to redeem himself. He’s able to protect the baby until the end, and provide for her by making sure she gets the prize winnings by killing himself. And, almost ironically, is finally able to provide finally for his own daughter. His remaining winnings goes to her, as well as the news of his death so she doesn’t hold out hope of him showing up and disrupting her life after disappearing. He’s able to free his own daughter of the burden of himself, while setting another daughter up for a good life.

And I don’t think it was unintentional that Jun-Hee’s baby was a girl. I think there is a message there: investing in girls will secure our future. Again, Gi-Hun’s daughter gets the rest of his winnings. And in America, in California no less, she can easily be set with college money and after college living expenses to set herself up well. Despite whatever her step daddy making. Even Gi-Hun’s redemption comes at his willingness to lay HIS life down so that a girl’s future is secure. And he’s the ONLY man who does it. The only one willing. The only man in this story redeemed.

And he redeems himself by removing himself from the equation entirely, because in that final moment, he could not live and the baby get to live too. So he saved a girl’s life by removing himself from it so she can live happy and free. It’s almost like it’s commenting how men think they make girls and women’s lives better by being IN it, but we’re better off when men are removed from our lives.

Gi-Hun didn’t stop the games, and didn’t make a major difference in the world with his involvement with the games. But he saved a little girl and gave her a chance at a better life. And it’s more than anyone else who’s played the games can say.

[completeoveranalysis]

[7]

I love that they come in with this - the natural balm to Lava Lamp blaming himself is that neither Watanuki or Syaoran would exist at all if he hadn’t made that choice. Not only is that valuable in itself, but the Syaorans being Syaorans they’re measuring this through their impact on other people - ie, everyone in their lives. They’ve both built up little found families that love them, and they’ve all had an incredible impact on each other’s lives. None of that would have been possible without Lava Lamp making his choice. 

And as much as Lava Lamp will frame this as “his fault” - it wasn’t even a selfish wish, he was literally trying to save someone else. 

I think there’s a very precious message in here about the nature of consequences and mistakes, but it’s an idea that both series are already built around. The idea of Hitsuzen is layered all the way down, but here it’s very clear - sometimes your actions aren’t bad or good or mistakes or things to be blamed for. Sometimes you just make a choice and there are things that happen afterwards - in this case, some good, some bad, some neutral. It’s all just events with no inherent value - except for the love that grows between people as a result of the things that happen.

It’s a very nice way of looking at things. And not to go on too much of a tangent but it’s kind of parallel to the first Life is Strange game, where the entire point was learning to actually accept the consequences of your actions even if they’re not ideal, and learning to live with the choices you make even if they’re not perfect. Here, the living idea of trying to go back and “fix” something that went wrong is Evil Wolverine's whole thing - his entire existence is built around changing something he didn't want to happen, and he shatters the entire universe trying to make it happen (which is also kind of like The Storm in LiS). On the other end of things we have the Syaorans, who (even though they feel guilty about it) tried their best in the situations they were in, and there were natural evolutions from their choices that grew out into a beautiful series of consequences (ie, all their lives affecting others AND saving the universe). 

It’s all a theme I’m very fond of.

[nexahexagon]

We stay self-indulgent in this household. We stay silly and have fun.

Made me a Hels!sona for the sillies. Mainly cuz Moobloom is flower and Mooshroom is fungi, like life/beauty and death/decomposers yada yada whatever.

Specifically, Hels from RnS by @/silverskye13 , the idea of identity being very important and close to Helsmets is very very neat and very very cool.

[friedcheesemogu]

I was summoned, and so I appear.

It's no secret that I'm an absolutely shameless whore for William Brandt. Much of the time when I look at the "William Brandt" tag most of the recent posts I see are mine, and I get it. He's been gone three movies now, and a lot of people on tumblr.com really don't like him for some reason. But if he has many defenders, I am one of them. If he has one defender, it's me. If he has no defenders, I'm dead.

I wrote a whole little TED talk about this little bitch.

What I haven't written so far is my immense feelings about his relationship to/with Ethan, and believe me, if you thought that sub in "Final Reckoning" was down deep, you're gonna need a high pressure submersible to find the bottom of my emotions here.

(Also I'm sorry, I can't call him "Brandt" for the duration of this post, he's tattooed way too close to my crotch for me to not use his first name.)

Let's talk about Will and Ethan. I'll break this into two parts:

AS A GENERAL WORKING RELATIONSHIP

Yes, they should have explored this relationship more, because it's *fascinating.* Ethan ruined this man's life. He needs to own that, probably more than he does. BUT. If Will reminds Ethan of how his marriage failed, that is on Ethan. It was Ethan's choice to try to have his cake and eat it too, and Ethan's fault that he couldn't. The fact that he left Will behind to take the fall is one of the cruelest, most selfish things Ethan does in the entire series, but he is entirely forgiven for it, while Will gets treated as an asshole for maybe not having the best day ever after being dragged into another Ethan-based mess.

I think the idea that Will is a symbol of what Ethan hates about the IMF is not entirely true, because obviously Ethan has relied on that bureaucracy in the form of the GP Secretary to have freedom to do what he wants (stage a cover-up, let him dick around in Russian prison). If anything, Will is a symbol of what Ethan *can't* do for IMF. Because as we see, you can take the agent out of the field, but you can't take the agent out of the man. Will can do something Ethan can't other than in pretend: Will can walk in two worlds. Will can play the nice bureaucrat while subverting the system. Will can speak to the top and seem genuine while actually giving Ethan protection and information. And he's so good at it that even Ethan, whose hobby is reading people, can't initially clock him. That he does at all is only because Will drops the mask -and does it for Ethan's benefit.

One of the things I see a lot on here is how much Ethan dislikes Will, and to that I can't help but say, you think Will wants to be there? He has every right to not cooperate, to drag his feet and change from little bitch into actual raging giant bitch, and he doesn't. He helps. He is the only person who could have caught Ethan when he was falling. He's also completely valid in thinking that what he's being asked to do is difficult, scary, and pretty insane.For some reason, that gets him cast as "everyone's least favorite coworker." I don't think the fact that he's the only person on any team willing to say "your ideas are bad and you should feel bad" is a terrible thing, because frankly someone has to. The team needs a little bitch to round out the "yes, and!!" improv nature of everyone else. It's cute and funny when Benji is nervous, when he nearly blows it in the Kremlin, but when Will is hesitant, well fuck that guy.

Ethan *does* trust him with his life, and he should, because one of the things I harp on endlessly is that WILLIAM BRANDT ALONE guards Ethan at the beginning of RN. Luther quit, Benjis played Halo. Will was sending Ethan tips and in the room with Hunley, aware of plays on both sides, and keeping the balance. That is his ultimate strength, and he does it knowing that he owes Ethan nothing -if anything, Ethan owes him several times over. That's dedication to his team and to the job, and something worth admiring; instead he gets Luther's derision and the fandom's dislike.

Why is that? Like @prahelika says, Ethan of all people knows what it's like to be a little bitch and try to do the right thing while everyone yells at you. Is it because he's not sweet like Benji? Because he's not cool like Luther and Ilsa? Because he can't slay a green dress like Jane? Will is the person most like Ethan in terms of skill, strength, and intelligence, and yes they "inherited" him but had they not, they would have been screwed and Ethan would be a Dubai pancake. He's as essential as anyone else.

I believe Ethan sees that Will is his foil, what could happen to him if he couldn't "walk it off," and that he comes to appreciate and respect that. We have no idea what goes on between them from GP to RN, but I can't believe they never talk, I can't believe never checks in with the only other person who knows that Julia is alive (aside from Luther, but who knows when Ethan told him).

I wish Will was in Fallout, and not just to be killed. I think his position in the team is so unique and interesting and I will crave more of it forever.

Now here's the part that will make me unpopular with the MI fandom on tumblr.com.

AS A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

I love Will/Ethan, Ethan/Will, Brandt/Ethan, Bundt, whatever you want to call it. They are one of my all-time ride-or-die pairings. I will go down with this ship and I will live at the bottom of the ocean eating dead whales and partying with the tube worms, evolving into something eldritch and teethy. And then I will rise... but anyway.

I think they work in this life, but since all shipping is technically AU, well, I think they work in other lives too.

I think they're fascinating to each other: the man who was destroyed by the job and the man who won't let himself be destroyed. I think Ethan is very surprised by this person who is suddenly revealed to be his mirror, and because he's naturally curious, he'd want to know more, observe more. As for Will, Ethan is a nearly mythical figure in his life, and for him to suddenly have him real, in front of him, to be forced to deal with the person who turned his world upside down... well Will is obviously an analytical slut, so of course Ethan is going to get his wheels turning (in all ways). A long time ago I read a comment or author note, I can't remember, where someone said they thought Jeremy Renner played Will as already being somewhat in love with Ethan and I can absolutely see that (I can point you to some good fics on that theme if you're interested. No? Okay).

I think they both inherently understand that they each provide something the other lacks: for Will, Ethan's drive and willingness to face the unknown. For Ethan, Will's grounded pragmatism. That they're both stubborn is difficult, yes, but it's not necessarily a roadblock - I've talked to friends about how arguing is probably a kind of foreplay to them, because no one is going to match their little bitch energy (or enjoy it) in the same way as the other.

I also think they're beautiful together. When they're in sync they're seamless. Ethan's heat and Will's coldness; Ethan's tendency toward action and Will's toward thought. Maybe it's better if Will isn't there in later movies because they'd be too powerful together.

I get that I'm one voice in an already small pairing. I think I know everyone on the site that currently loves/d them and they're all in my DMs (although if I'm wrong, feel free to let me know!). Believe me I see Bethan. I see Ethan/Ilsa. I adore Julia. They're all good ships and they all deserve love! But they'll never draw me in like the way Ethan and Will look at each other like they want to fight each other with their mouths.

And I mean, there's literally no reason for them to look each other up and down and then Ethan to give "you tell me yours, I'll tell you mine" the sultriest line delivery until the horny sub.

I have a whole fic about what Will thinks of/about Ethan and how he deals (or doesn't deal) with it.

But yeah.

TL;DR I love William Brandt, I love Ethan Hunt, and I love their relationship, however you define it. I wish we had more of it. Just don't try to tell me there's nothing but acrimony between them.

Oh right and I have a huge thigh tattoo for them, so I'm in this for life.

they really should have explored the brandt/ethan relationship more. like, hey, i probably ruined your career with a murder that wasn't even real so you got traumatised for nothing. also you remind me of how i couldn't save my marriage. you're also currently a bureaucrat, symbolising everything i hate about my organisation. but i know you've got my back. you try your best to deal with unfair situations where everyone yells at you, and you're a little bitch about it. don't i know how that feels. i trust you with my life. i don't think we'll ever be close. in another life we'd have worked well together. but. anyway. this conversation never happened, brandt. see you in 6 months.

[siren-of-fire]

The whole debate of curing Pili/Ace was finally a bit strongly talked about yesterday and again the argument never reached a conclusion.

Tr!Bad questioned this yesterday and was nudging both Lukey and Aimsey to pick a side because they seem really conflicted. If they truly believe corruption is this mind controlling evil thing then why do they even hesitate to cure Pili? And if they think curing him is something they should do with permission then what's even the point of cure and calling corruption bad? Aren't they just letting Pili get consumed by this "bad purple thing" and simply doing nothing about it just because Pili said no? So isn't that wrong too?

It's simply a argument of "we need to do the right thing and stick to our morals" but Aimsey themselves said they didn't knew if it was Bad speaking or the corruption so how can they simply just agree with Pili's denial of getting cured like they usually have been doing so far? How can anyone know if Ace saying no is him or corruption when Ace himself can't differentiate between what is him and what is corruption anymore?

With Pili 2 Aimsey and Pangi did plan to use force and get him cured because they thought doing so would make him remember everything but that isn't the case anymore. Ace remembers everything so the point of arguments of corruption being bad due to it causing memory loss is off the table. There definitely was a time when Pili 2 was alive when curing him would have been easier but since nobody pushed for it and Pili's condition only grew worse. The cure was made after Pili 2 died and later Ace showed up who appreciates corruption to a degree even Pili 2 never did.

Both Aimsey and Lukey do know as more time passes the corruption becomes worse, Pili 2 was even against spreading corruption himself and used to work with keepers by directly feeding the corruption to his firefly. And overtime we saw with Pangi get worse physicaly thanks to this corruption. The urge to spread corruption simply just grows stronger in the infected person the longer they stay infected

So again who in this scenario gets to make that decision?

Lukey says it should be people who knew Pili before he was corrupted which is Bad and Pangi. Leaving aside Bad because of reasons, Pangi on other hand as someone who was corrupted understands Pili and doesn't wish for anyone to force a cure on him. When he himself was corrupted Pili despite being corrupted was one of the only person who did give Pangi a choice (of either joining his side or getting cured) and didn't lie/manipulate him. Which later Pangi thanked him for after getting cured.

Well leaving aside Badgerduo, the other people closest people who knew him from his time as Pili 2 are Foolish, Sneeg, Ros and maybe Zam too but they simply aren't around and things are definitely changed now that Ace remembers everything. Only person who Ace trusts the most is Foolish but again he just isn't around.

So again speaking who gets to decide? Aimsey and Lukey have never even been in the list of people Pili trusts or been close friends with him. But surely someone has to make a choice because Ace is literally a harbinger, the more they delay it the more will the corruption tree inside his mind grows. Lukey said it that if Pili keeps spreading corruption then he will force a cure on him, then the rational argument would be "because Pili is putting evryone in harm by spreading it so i decided to cure him".

In a way both Lukey and Aimsey are just looking for a valid reasoning to rationalize the forced curing route. And this was something Bad kept bringing up yesterday, if they truly think corruption is a threat then why aren't they curing it when they have do have the cure, what is this hesitation of wanting to do the right thing and being conflicted about it. They know the person under corruption's influence is not themselves or atleast that's what they both believe so why this deep hesitation?

But that's the thing, they have to make a choice, simply going by trying to rationalize is not the way clearly because Pili and even corruption is only growing worse on the Realm even among the keepers. Aimsey said corrupted people need to be saved then why does it seem like both them and Lukey are looking for reasons to make "The choice, or A choice" and that reasoning either being the corrupted person doens't remember (Pili 2 and Pangi), the corrupted person keeps putting others at risk (Ace) or corrupted person acts differently then normal they are used too (Pili 2 and Bad with their detached emotionless voice).

Pangi was very direct by simply saying fudge morals and wanting to bring Bad back, because there is no middle ground here of "doing the right thing" you have to be a little selfish and if you truly believe this corruption requires saving them simply do it rather then thinking twice about it.

And at some point during the whole conversation even Aimsey just reached a conclusion and rationalised that killing Bad is actually him wanting it or in a way a method to save him, again having to pick a choice ultimately.

[bedtimegiraffe]

Did Aurinae intend for Aerin to become the power behind the throne?

Aurinae values her own status and power above all else- all the maneuvering and betrayal makes that very clear. So her priority in every interaction is on how she can use others to maintain that. Including her family.

But as far as she's concerned, she didn't have much to work with. Sure, Arlan had the title, but he was a useless coward who forced her to do all the work of running Morella. And she probably realized Baldur was an easily led idiot, certainly not capable of exerting precise control over the country like she wants. So who should keep Morella on track long-term, cementing her legacy?

It could be a queen, like Aurinae was, but that's a bit if a gamble that you'll find the right fit. And wouldn't it be better to have someone who's part of Aurinae's bloodline? Like... a second child, one who would hopefully take more after her than her husband.

We get a pretty good idea of Aurinae's plan from her nickname for Aerin, the one she's used since he was a baby.

Aurinae had a very clear vision of what she wanted Aerin to be from the beginning- another manipulator, pulling the strings from the shadows. Someone to control Morella during Baldur's reign, like Aurinae did during Arlan's.

She was negligent as a mother, not giving Aerin the kind of attention or affection he wanted. But I think that didn't matter to her plan. We know she started teaching him about alchemy, laying the groundwork for a way to be popular at court and silence people. Aurinae was around just enough to make sure he was devoted to her and trusted her- what use would she have for actual affection and connection with her child? The higher level manipulation, the dark side of it all would have to wait until Aerin was older. And then she died, project unfinished.

Honestly, Aurinae was probably just jealous the Dreadlord had more time to mold Aerin into the kind of tool he wanted than she did. (Though she was surprisingly on board with Aerin overthrowing the Morellan government as long as he maintained control. Maybe that's what she would have done, given the chance.)

**Wild speculation time**

It's genuinely odd to me that Aerin is the last Valleros. No aunts or uncles, not even any distant cousins who could feasibly take the throne (unless Morella has some hyper specific requirements for taking the throne we're not aware of). Given the value of marriage alliances and making sure you don't die without an heir, I would expect there to be more Valleroses. In most similar settings, the nobility is full of people with a vague blood relation to the ruling family.

The main incentive not to have more people with a royal bloodline around is to stop claims on the throne and subsequent civil wars. So the lack of Valleroses could be the result of a series of misfortunes or an intentional effort to have as few children with a claim to the throne as possible.

In Aurinae's case, my theory is that she had one child, hoping that would position them best. But when she realized that he would do an embarrassingly bad job, she decided to have another. (Given the whole family structure/all the unprotected sex MC can have, birth control seems to be a thing in this world. And Aurinae is an alchemy master who could have very reasonably engaged in family planning.)

Baldur and Aerin seem to have a sizeable age gap (in the confrontation toward the end of Book 1, Baldur references 'roughing Aerin up' when "he" was little, implying Baldur was not). They also give off very different age vibes, though that's less solid. I'd guess Baldur was 4 or 5 (old enough to get a good sense of his personality) before Aurinae got pregnant with Aerin.

I think that if Aerin had been born first, he would have been an only child.

[edelgarfield]

i finally finished the CR3 finale and I just 😭😭😭

it was really good. I loved it & I'm vehemently avoiding any other opinions bc I refuse to let the fandom ruin this for me.

but I already know people are going to complain abt the Vax/Keyleth resolution. and the only thing I can think about is how upset I've been for years, that of all the CR PCs, Keyleth alone was the only one that never had any control over the things that happened to her, how her own narrative was completely overshadowed by Vax, how cruel the fandom was to Marisha, & how this is clearly something that has upset Marisha for YEARS.

and Liam has said multiple times that he was in a bad place during much of CR1, he was grieving, and idk. he's a different person than he was when he played Vax. and I may be making assumptions, but I get the sense that he & Matt both have regrets about some of the choices they made in CR1.

like i think it would cause some sort of feelings to see your very close friend grieve your fictional OC for YEARS. and maybe after playing Caleb & seeing him heal and find closure he regretted that Vax never got the same, and he regretted the effect it had on not just Vax's friends in game, but his IRL friends.

CR3 is about looking back at our past mistakes and choosing to walk a different path. And I feel like the entire cast has grown as storytellers & people, they've matured & lived through ten years of grief, love, joy, & sorrow. I wonder if looking back, they realized that they no longer agreed with the choices they made in CR1 or its themes, and they realized they hadn't just hurt Keyleth the character, but also Marisha the player.

imo CR1 was unfair to both Marisha & Keyleth in so many ways, from the fandom, to her own story, to the decisions the other players made that hurt her. like. Marisha has grown so much as an actor & a creator, but I don't think any of us can imagine what it was like to be in her position during CR1. no one expected CR to blow up like it did, the cast & G&S were in no way prepared to handle the fandom. Like Marisha was relatively unknown before CR, unlike Laura & Ashley who were both critically acclaimed actors (which is part of the reason the fandom hated her). I doubt she'd dealt with internet backlash before and suddenly overnight she had the entire internet watching her. She didn't sign onto CR expecting the attention she received & unlike everyone else, her first introduction to fans was absolutely brutal. like to go from a quiet home game with your friends, to having your OC absolutely eviscerated and torn apart must've been awful.

People criticized her acting, said Keyleth was a self-insert, claimed that any good thing Keyleth achieved or any gifts she received was bc she was dating the DM, Keyleth was boring/whiny/uninteresting, she was getting in the way of Vaxilmore, etc etc. It's not like having your role in a game or movie criticized. Keyleth is HER character; every critique of Keyleth's design or story or decisions in-game is a criticism of Marisha as a creator. I don't think any of us can imagine how awful that was, to watch all of your friends receive praise and have fun with fans, but have to swallow constant vitriol and misogyny in order to join them, to be completely unprotected by any sort of manager. the other women received plenty of hate too, don't get me wrong, but she was by far the most hated and the only one without any pre-existing fanbase. to have that be your first exposure to fandom?

to go through all of that & then have it end the way it did? with Vax choosing to leave her without putting up a fight while everyone else gets their happy ending? to be the one left grieving while Vax gets to be at peace? to be the only one alone in every CR one-shot afterwards? to have to relive that experience again recording TLOVM?

this is something I keep coming back to when it comes to CR, how in some ways I feel like the fandom feels like we're entitled to ownership of these characters, and entitled to the cast's suffering for the sake of artistic integrity. and to be clear, there's some merit to that, given that CR is a multimillion dollar media franchise. but I also think that Keyleth & CR1 are always going to be special in that regard because they were never made for an audience. When the cast signed up for CR2 and CR3, they knew what they were getting into, they made characters knowing they were going to be shared with the world & held to a higher standard. but Keyleth was Marisha's first, and when the cast agreed to start filming CR, they had no idea that they were relinquishing some of their creative freedom in order to align with the audience's expectations. I'm sure they would never go back on that choice, given everything that came afterwards, but I'm sure if they could go back, they would approach it differently.

anyway. my point is just that CR1 is by no means perfect & infallible. I don't think Matt would write the story he did for CR3 and make the choices he made if he didn't regret some of his decisions from CR1. I don't think Liam would have agreed to bring Vax back if he didn't also feel dissatisfied in retrospect. and the choices the cast made back in CR1, both in & out of game, caused Marisha a lot of pain nearly a decade later. and as the DM and her friends, I think they did the right thing by giving her a chance to correct the mistakes they made in CR1. I don't think it's right to suggest Marisha should just be sad forever for the sake of preserving CR1’s narrative. I don't think it's right to say that it's been too long to make up for or correct the mistakes of the past.

I'd have to make a whole other post about this, but the fandom seems to expect the cast to care about & be invested in their characters, but they're not allowed to prioritize their enjoyment and what they want out of the game. again there's definitely some merit to this, but. I have too much empathy. I don't want the cast to suffer for my enjoyment. Marisha & Keyleth have more than earned this.

[bumpscosity]

Vince I will always love you….. (she/he/they/it)

[mikuhats]

Im sorry but how did you get this from the finale 😭 would you have preferred if simon killed himself on screen

[bi-artist-boy]

i've had enough of the cage

the bars are digging into my skin

let me out

[inkskinned]

the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.

when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i'm embarrassed of - this was not me being a "girl's girl."

but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn't what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you're not performing girlhood correctly. it isn't as easy as "i liked x when girls liked y" - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.

now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.

the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.

but it is no longer "i made this choice and I love it." instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn't having kids. instead it's long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you're going to kill them. instead it is "this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you're making."

the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don't have this, you aren't happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.

but you can no longer say i'm not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they're trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can't you be like her?

because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she's shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you'd be happier if you were listening!

and the whole time you're sitting there thinking: i'd actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.

[audarcy]

The original percy jackson series is about cycles of abuse and neglect, right. Were introduced to percy as a kid who has clearly been left behind by a school system that has given up on him, restless and unengaged and self-defetist because hes been given nothing that works for him and no one even tries to meet him where he is. Then hes told no, listen, your neurodivergence is amazing and you just need to be given something that actually utilizes your unique palatte. And thats obviously the uplifting idea rick wanted for his kids, right. But once we get to know chb the same cycles are happening there too. There are kids "left behind" there too for one reason or another, because their parents dont want to claim them, because their parents werent important enough to get a cabin. Do you get it, all the kids who dont fit the most common neurotypes get shoved into the same closet. Kids are being left in a cruel world to fend for themselves without the tools they need. Theyre dying because no one bothered to accommodate them. Its such an obvious parallel that the first chapter introduces a teacher whos written to be especially hard on percys disability and she turns out to literally be one of these monsters trying to kill him. Meanwhile sally jackson tells him she named him after Perseus because she wanted a redemption for a hero whos story ended in tragedy. Meanwhile every book in the series replicates a greek myth step for step until the moment they break the cycle. Annabeth, playing Odysseus, is talked down from her hubris and grounded by her friends. Percy, playing Heracles, meets someone wronged by the original Heracles and rights his wrongs by refusing to go down the same selfish path as him. Monsters are reborn because they are--as the books explicitly call them--achetypes. These kids are stuck inside the cyclical nature of mythology because thats what happens to mythology, it gets retold over and over again. But these are the kids who have to live it. The series ends with percy being offered immortality and he rejects it because he wants to use his godly favor to force them to break their cycle of neglecting their kids. The series ends with a declaration that we cant keep letting this happen. The very first book offees the same choice. It ends with percy refusing to keep the head of medusa as a spoil of war, refusing his heroic reward. He lets his mother have the head and use it to kill gabe. Isnt that fucking crazy for a kids book? Gabe wasnt a Monster. He wasnt going to Turn to Dust and Disappear in a narratively convenient way. He was a living breathing mortal dude and percy and his mom killed him without remorse. Break the cycle of abuse!!!! Dont let this happen again!!! Anyway thats why the original percy jackson series is Hey where are you going with our breadsticks

[sparrows4bats]

If Damian realises how he feels about Jon first, that man is a storm of romantic gestures, just not conventional ones.

Everything he knows about romance comes from Shojo Manga and Talia Al Ghul.

Damian doesn't realise he has fallen in love with his childhood friend until they are both adults, and he is patching him up after an mission gone wrong.

Jon has a gash on his forehead, and when Damian goes to stitch it, Jon flinches back from the kryptonite infused needle. He grabs Damian and falls back against the bed he is sitting on, essentially pulling the young doctor onto his lap.

Damian is there sitting on top of his best friend when he realises that maybe what they had wasn't entirely platonic. At least on Damian's end.

Thank God Jon is too tired to listen to his heartbeat.

Damian flushes bright red at the position but moves back. He continues to do his job, like a professional, even if he calls Jon a crybaby when the man flinches.

Afterwards, when he is alone, Damian allows himself to replay the moment and realises he's in love with with his best friend.

He imagines Jons smile, the warmth of his arms and his wit. Damian has to sit a moment when his legs shake.

The revelation feels life changing, but at the same time completely normal. A natural progression, as if loving Jonathan Kent was always inevitable.

He doesn't know when he started falling, but he is sure there's no going back now. Damian is his mothers son. Love this deep is a lifetime affliction.

The question becomes what will he do about it?

If Damian does nothing, he gets to keep what they have, and he gets to be Jons' best friend. It's a treasured title. But is it enough?

Can Damian stomach watching Jon fall in love with someone else? Is he good enough to content himself with being close but never what he wishes in Jons life?

Damian, at heart, has always been a little selfish. And he has never wanted anything as much as he wants Jon.

He knows himself well enough to understand that being just Jons friend will never be enough, not when Jon is his everything.

So it's an easy choice. He is going to the court Jonathan Kent. He is going to succeed no matter the cost. It is the most important thing he will ever do.

So, Damian starts to plan.

He considers approaching his siblings for help but quickly discards the idea. He is playing for keeps, and his family has a questionable track record with long-term romantic relationships.

They'd also probably tease him mercilessly.

So Damian decides to do this by himself.

He starts by sending gifts, a new camera, and new clothing that Damian would love to see Jon wearing, one one memorable occasion a special watch Damian designed that patches Jon into the Watchtower and earth phone networks instantly even in outer space.

Jon is grateful and starts giving gifts back, particularly pretty gems and weapons he finds on his travels. Damian hoards each trinket covetously.

Next, Damian initates private time between them. Dinners at restaurants Jon loves and quiet nights in that let Damian imagine a future of domesticity and safety. He goes so far as to make Jon a key to his apartment and delights every time he arrives home to find Jon waiting for him.

Jon stays over most nights, and Damian makes him sleep in his bed with him after he complains about the couch.

Damian ends up in his arms by morning. Jon having lifted him onto his chest during the night. It leaves Damian with butterflies and a sense of rightness. Jons arms become his favourite place to be.

He defends Jon honour, at a gala a socialite starts to flirt with his Farmboy while he is wearing the tux Damian bought him. It is unacceptable behaviour.

So Damian casually gets the woman to leave them alone. (She cried and ran out after Damian deduces her affair with a married man.)

It has the added bonus of he and Jon leaving afterwards for takeout on a nearby rooftop.

Finally, Damian decides to try and touch him more. Carefully at first, just little brushes and faint little touches here and there.

Damian lays in the kryptonitians lap and hugs him more. He holds his hand as they walk together and leans against him during movie nights.

Jon blushes and smiles. He even reciprocates the affection, and it is difficult not to kiss him, but all the best romances develop slowly, so Damian must be patient.

He wants Jon forever, not a quick fizzle of desire.

The choice, however, is taken out of his hands when Damian walks into his apartment to find Jonathan Kent blushing and pacing with his head in his hands.

He stops suddenly when he notices Damians presence.

"You!" Jon is striding over to him.

"Me?" Damian is very confused, and Jon is so close, face mere inches from his own.

"I can't take this anymore!"

"Take what?" Damian fears the worst that Jon is here to tell him that he has been too forward. That he doesn't feel the same. That he is going to leave, and Damian feels dread like he has never known before.

"The Teasing! You keep acting so sweet and touching me all the time!, and it's all I can do not to bend you over the kitchen table or get down on one knee!"

Damian, for possibly the first time in his life, has no words.

"It's not fair! Damian, you are so gorgeous and smart and funny it's so frustrating, so I need you to give it to me straight. I will never bring this up again, but do you want more? Will you let me date you and love you?"

Jon looks nervous now, but Damian can see the earnestness in his eyes.

"Yes," Damian brings his hand up to Jons face with reverence. "I love you, Jonathan Kent, but I have to warn you if we date. If we take this step, I may never be able to give you up. You are a part of me, I couldn't change that even if i wanted to, and I'm yours in anyway you want me."

Jon smiles at him, his blue eyes gleeful, and he pulls Damian closer until he can rest their heads together. "Mine."

Then Jon finally kisses him, it's full of passion and Jons desperation, Damian only pulls back because he needs to breathe.

"Just for the record, I love you too, and if you think there is any world where I'm leaving you, you're crazier than I thought. I listen to your heartbeat every day. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."

Damians heart soars. "So I know you said something about the kitchen table, but I think the bed will be much more comfortable."

Jon growls and lifts him off the ground. Damian laughs as he is carried through to the bedroom they now share most of the time.

Success has never tasted sweeter.

[slttygeto]

I'd love to see me from your pov — GOJO S.

synopsis: Gojo Satoru seems to struggle with the idea of love and doesn't quite know where to stand. Luckily for him, you're there to soothe his worries every time.

word count: 2,1k

content warning: a tiny bit of angst, but you know me and my love for this man.

note: hi hello there :)! it's October which means it's the 4th year anniversary since the release of ariana's album positions! I adore that album with all of my being, and what better way to show my love than to dedicate some of my favorite songs to my favorite anime men? enjoy reading!

Satoru has never known what love is. His parents’ marriage was an arranged one, his mother’s good looks and her status along with his father’s powerful technique is what brought them together. And nine months later, the wielder of the six eyes was born. Raised in an environment where his father was barely around, the only warmth he’s ever felt was his mother’s hand holding his smaller one as she walks him around the Gojo estate, showing off the boy whose birth altered the balance of the world. 

Then she was off to do her duties as Madame Gojo. 

Satoru remembers his childhood as being extremely dull. He was forbidden from social interactions, was told that they are useless unless the person was of any benefit to him or his powers—which at the time, six year old Satoru didn’t understand but he had no choice but to comply with his father’s words. 

Bright pair of blue eyes would then follow his father’s figure as he made his way towards the sliding paper door, but before he could leave, the tall man turned towards his wife whose eyes remained glued to her lap before announcing. 

“I’ll be off.” Whether that meant for hours, days or weeks, Satoru never knew. 

Logically, that led to the creation of his image on love and marriage. He avoided the two concepts like the plague. Love was always meant to find others before it could even glance his way, and Satoru was okay with that. 

He was okay with spending the rest of his time alone, maybe he would buy a house on the top of a hill and own a nice border collie dog. Perhaps, that dog would show him a little bit of loyalty and love because Satoru feeds it and takes it on walks, but when the sun goes down and the dog goes to sleep, it would be just Satoru and his thoughts. Dying alone sounded scary, but it was better than ending up like his parents.

“Are you okay?” The tall man feels a gentle squeeze on his large hand. Suddenly, he’s pulled back into the present. 

The smell of fresh roses and the cold breeze overwhelm his senses. He blinks and realizes that he must’ve taken off his blindfold somewhere—Satoru can’t remember where, or why he got so lost in his thoughts.

“Satoru?” That voice. That sweet, warm and honeyed voice, barely above a whisper as it calls out his name and he gets another whiff of something—perfume.

Your perfume.

You’re standing next to him, smaller frame and smaller hand squeezing his own and he remembers why he was pulled back into his childhood. 

You had squeezed his hand the same way his mother did. Except this time, you don’t pull away like she does. In fact, you haven't pulled away in years. 

When Suguru left, Satoru was trying to piece himself back together within the confines of his own place. Quiet, cold and unwelcoming. He despised the feeling, it made him feel like shit and Satoru was usually the type to ignore his feelings—so when they come crashing against him in strong waves, the strongest can’t duck down and avoid them, he can’t swim away and find refuge. He chooses to believe that he is his own refuge, even if he’s messy and selfish and quite literally just a jerk. The strongest was unable to save his own best friend from a fate that is so horrible, one that could’ve easily been avoided had he looked harder. 

Had he not been raised that way. 

“Satoru?” 

On a cold October night in 2007, you show up at Satoru’s apartment with food and homemade sweets. You’re sweaty, clearly having climbed up the stairs since you had no access to the elevator. He sees you, he cannot process the reason for your sudden visit until he sees your lip quiver and your eyes fill with tears.

“I’m sorry.” You say with so much emotion that the teenager can only try to stop himself from digging his fingernails into the palms of his hands. 

Although he only realizes it years later, the only person who had shown Satoru that he was worth a bit of love was Suguru. He had been your classmate too, your friend. You’re grieving his absence too, but you choose to stay with Satoru that night. He doesn’t say much, you don’t press him about it. 

He doesn’t understand why. 

A couple of months pass, your visits become more regular. He buys you a mattress and even suggests you move in with him in the guest room of his apartment. And after much consideration, you agree and the two of you become roommates.

What had once been a cold, uncomfortable apartment slowly turns into a refuge for Satoru, a place he looks forward to coming back to after a long day of missions. Was it because of the smell of food that fills the hallway as he approaches the door, or the thought of finding you in there when he inserts the key? Satoru isn’t sure yet.

He’s still a bit confused as to why you want to be around him.

Months turn into years, your presence remains a constant in his and Megumi’s lives when he takes him in. You have your own room that you choose to share with Tsumiki and you treat the two children like your own. The strongest believes that your heart is as big as the oceans combined.

For someone whose youth was stolen away by the Jujutsu society, Satoru tries to make sure that his students don’t meet the same fate. So he takes on countless missions, protects students like they’re his own children and promises them a bright future. Even if it’s at the expense of his own. 

You hate that, and you make it clear to him the day he takes in Yuuta.

“That’s such bullshit.”

“Hey, watch it.”

“No, you listen to me!” This is the most emotion you’ve shown since that one night you came to visit him. Satoru looks up from his phone where he’s sitting, and is a bit taken aback when he sees your eyes fill up with tears. “Do you realize how dangerous it is to be going around and doing shit like that?” 

“What–saving them?”

“Ruining your future!” You raise your hands in the air. 

“I don’t have a future.” 

The room falls silent. Suddenly, you’re glad that Megumi and Tsumiki weren’t home. Your eyes meet his, and the white haired male watches as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. There’s a thousand expressions on your face—betrayal? Hurt? Worry? He can’t decipher them.

He is overwhelmed. His six eyes are screaming at him that your cursed energy was elevating, your body temperature was rising and he can see that your chest is heaving. 

He still doesn’t realize what he had just said. 

To him, it was the truth. There was nothing morbid about his words. If he couldn’t see himself marrying or falling in love, then Satoru simply did not have a future. Those children do, and that’s what he should prioritize.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t–”

“Satoru–” you lose your breath as you utter his name, broken and weak. You gulp harshly, heart pounding loudly in your ears. “You can’t say that.”

It’s selfish, you’re aware of that, but it can’t be helped. You watch as the light of the man you had been clinging onto like a lifeline for years starts to dim, and you scramble to find the source of the problem. 

And while Satoru’s six eyes are screaming at him to walk away, his heart pins him to the ground of his living room. Overwhelmed and emotional, it reminds him of that one lonely night. He can’t tell you how he feels, he can’t pinpoint to you that it’s because of his parents that his heart refuses to let him accept the idea of love. He sees the waves coming, large and tall and ready to destroy him years later—as he scrambles to find refuge, his heart finally feels at ease.

Your arms wrap tightly around his middle, chin resting on his shoulder and your hands digging into his shoulders in an attempt to soothe him. You want to stop your chest from stuttering, but your quivering lip gives away your strong emotions. 

“I’ll stay.” 

Why would you stay? 

His arms feel heavy as he lifts them up and finally rests them on your warm body, pulling you so close to him you feel yourself suffocate. It doesn’t matter. Satoru hugs you so tightly that you hear your heart break. 

You don’t comment on the wet feeling on your shoulder, or the way his hands tremble as they grip the back of your shirt. You let him cling onto you as though you were the air he needed to breathe, the warmth he sought in the middle of the coldest nights. 

—

“Thank you.” 

“Hm?” You look to your side, a bit confused. The white haired man thinks you look very adorable when you’re clueless, trying to understand his words. 

“Thank you? What for?” Satoru isn’t one to get nervous, but your stare has him feeling a little hot. He hopes he isn’t blushing, it doesn’t suit his brand. 

“For saying yes.” This time, he is the one who squeezes your hand and you hold back a chuckle at how he avoids eye contact. You squeeze his hand back and lean your head against his shoulder.

“I would be crazy not to marry you.” 

“But you know… given my line of work, and Suguru—”

“Satoru,” you stop the man before he can carry on with his small ramble. You appreciate how vocal he is, it is one of the major changes to his personality ever since the two of you made it official. “I am a sorcerer as well. I understand.”

“You hate the missions I take.”

“I hate the way the higher ups view you, not the missions you take.”

Silence engulfs the two of you. 

You fidget with your hands, feeling as though you might’ve crossed a line your husband wasn’t ready to let you cross yet—

“And you?”

“Huh?”

“How do you view me?” He asks, voice low and small. He still doesn’t look at you, nor does he look anywhere really. Despite being 28 years old, Satoru feels the same way he felt at 6 years old. Vulnerable, worthless and in need of a reminder of what he brought to this world other than his powers–

“You’re handsome.” You break his chain of thoughts with a lot of ease, and he looks up at you with wide eyes. “A handsome, caring young man with a big,” a finger traces his heart over his shirt, “big heart. You have a child-like spirit, and a boy-ish smile that could make anyone fall for you very easily. I don’t want to focus too much on your looks, but they’re unfortunately a huge part of who you are,”

“You’re selfless.” You lean against the balcony railings, staring down at the city. “People take you for granted and either you don’t seem to notice, or you try not to.”

“And last, you’re too good for this world.” 

Your eyes sparkle as you describe every small detail about the man. You pour all of your emotions into your tiny monologue, so you fail to notice that Satoru had removed his hands off the railings. Until you feel something warm on your sides and something heavy on your shoulder. 

“Satoru?”

“I’m fine,” his broken voice would beg to differ, but you don’t push him. You rest your hands on top of his and let him pull you back against his chest in a warm, tight hug. 

He had always wanted to see himself through your eyes, filled with so much adoration and trust that it made his heart burst in his chest. He was riddled with confusion and something he couldn’t quite decipher anytime you had told him ‘of course it was you’ when he would do something nice, or ‘you’re not like that’ when you heard Nanami mumble something about Satoru’s playful behavior. 

You wish you could give him your eyes, take away some of that overwhelming feeling of being the wielder of the six eyes and allow him to rest—see himself as the selfless, kind-hearted man that he was to you. 

Since that was physically impossible, you’ll stick to loving him as though he held the universe between his palms.

You make loving him seem as easy as breathing, and the inner child living deep within him is forever grateful for that. 

2024 © all works belong to @slttygeto. do not repost, translate or steal any of my works.

[cazshmere]

Lilith (h12) / Mean Lilith in the Houses and What We Feel Ashamed Of 🥀

materialist🔖

DISCLAIMER: These are just my personal observations and are meant for entertainment purposes only; it may not resonate with everyone due to the nuances of astrology. Please respect my work and avoid copying or stealing it. Enjoy reading!! (long post ahead)

🥀 LILITH IN THE 1ST HOUSE : feeling ashamed about your appearance, your personality, how you present yourself to the world, feeling insecure about your face, shying away from social events, embarrassed about how you act in social situations, fear of being perceived as 'too much' so prefers to stay in the background, sometimes embarrassed for using your body/physical appearance to get the things you want, feeling ashamed about self-expression, embarrassed for needing validation or attention from others, constant fear of being scrutinized or judged, feeling guilty for standing out or being bold, ashamed of the attention their natural magnetism attracts, fear of being seen as selfish for prioritising yourself and your own needs and desires, might struggle with imposter syndrome, feeling undeserving of your accomplishments or afraid that others will see through your facade, tendency to overthink how you come across to others, leading to excessive self-doubt and anxiety about first impressions, ultimately hindering your ability to be authentic and true to yourself in various situations.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 2ND HOUSE : feeling ashamed about how you derive your self-worth or validation, ashamed of your finances or the way you accumulate your income, ashamed of how greedy you can get when you want something, feeling ashamed for being too lazy, embarrassed about how much comfort you desire, ashamed with how you spend your money or how much you end up spending, feeling guilty about shopping too much or indulging in luxuries, feeling guilty for placing too much value on material possessions, ashamed of relying on material wealth or status for self-esteem, embarrassed by the need for external validation through possessions or financial success, feeling guilty for being too possessive or overly attached to things, shame around fear of financial instability, even when secure, and embarrassed by needing excessive comfort or luxury to feel secure.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 3RD HOUSE : feeling ashamed about sibling rivalry or competition, embarrassed by how often you curse or use foul language, ashamed of having negative or intrusive thoughts, feeling guilty about being too opinionated or outspoken, ashamed of struggling with communication or expressing your true feelings, feeling insecure about your intellect or how you articulate yourself, feeling embarrassed by being misunderstood or judged for your ideas, ashamed of gossiping or engaging in idle chatter, and feeling guilty for harboring resentment towards others in your close circle, embarrassed about the neighbourhood you live in, embarrassed about the vehicle you drive or the transport you use to commute.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 4TH HOUSE : feeling ashamed about your family dynamics or family background, embarrassed by your mother’s behavior or choices, feeling insecure about where you live or the condition of your home, ashamed of your roots or where you come from, feeling guilty about wanting to distance yourself from family expectations, feeling embarrassed about your private space or personal sanctuary, ashamed of your emotional vulnerabilities or how you express feelings at home, feeling guilty for wanting more than what your family can offer, feeling insecure about how your upbringing shapes your identity, feeling like the black sheep of the family, and feeling guilty for being different from the rest of your family, can even feel embarrassed about crying in front of others.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 5TH HOUSE : feeling ashamed about your dating history or past relationships, embarrassed by your romantic choices or how you express love, feeling guilty for not being able to commit or for being perceived as a flirt, ashamed of your hobbies or interests if they seem childish or trivial, feeling insecure about your creative pursuits or the way you express yourself artistically, feeling embarrassed about seeking validation through attention or admiration, ashamed of your playful side and how it might be viewed as immature, feeling guilty for prioritizing fun and pleasure over responsibilities, feeling uncomfortable with how your personality might overshadow others in social or creative settings, and feeling ashamed of overindulgence in addictions such as gambling, substance use, or alcohol, often leading to feelings of regret and self-blame for losing control.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 6TH HOUSE : feeling ashamed of your body or how you perceive your physical appearance, embarrassed by your work ethic or how you manage your responsibilities, feeling guilty for not working hard enough or for procrastinating, ashamed of how you spend your time or how it reflects on your productivity, feeling overly concerned about health and fitness, often leading to obsessive thoughts about diet or exercise, germophobic and ashamed of your fear of germs or dirt, feeling insecure about your daily routines and how they compare to others, feeling guilty for not taking care of your mental health or neglecting self-care, feeling uncomfortable about your ability to balance work and personal life, feeling ashamed of interpersonal dynamics with coworkers, including rivalry or competition, embarrassed about being perceived as a slacker or underperformer in a team environment, feeling guilty for not being a team player or for asserting your individuality too strongly, and feeling anxious about workplace criticisms or how you fit into the office culture.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 7TH HOUSE : feeling ashamed about your relationships and how they reflect on you, embarrassed by how the public perceives you in partnerships, feeling guilty for relying too heavily on others for validation, ashamed of how you act in one-on-one interactions, often feeling insecure or awkward, feeling uncomfortable with confrontations or disagreements in relationships, feeling guilty for having enemies or strained relationships with others, embarrassed about your fashion choices and how they may be judged by others, feeling ashamed of your desire for intense connections while fearing vulnerability, feeling insecure about the balance of power in partnerships, feeling anxious about being seen as too needy or demanding in your relationships, feeling pressured by societal beauty standards and how they affect your self-worth, and struggling with the desire to conform to certain beauty ideals while also feeling rebellious against them, embarrassed about any legal issues that you’ve got into.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 8TH HOUSE : feeling ashamed about the many secrets you keep and how they shape your identity, embarrassed by your sexual partners or choices regarding sex, feeling guilty about your desires or fantasies, ashamed of your struggles with intimacy and vulnerability, feeling insecure about your emotional depth and how it affects relationships, feeling uncomfortable discussing taboo subjects or exploring darker aspects of life, feeling guilty for being drawn to power dynamics in relationships, ashamed of your fascination with death, transformation, or the occult, feeling anxious about your financial entanglements or shared resources with others, feeling like your hidden aspects are too intense or overwhelming for others to understand, feeling ashamed of opening up emotionally due to fears of rejection or betrayal, struggling with feelings of jealousy or possessiveness in intimate relationships, feeling uncomfortable or ashamed of your body, especially in sexual situations, feeling guilty for exploring non-traditional sexual practices or desires that might be seen as taboo, being overly analytical about emotional bonds and feeling guilty for questioning their depth, feeling insecure about trusting others, leading to feelings of shame for being suspicious or paranoid, feeling overwhelmed by the fear of losing loved ones, leading to emotional withdrawal, and feeling ashamed if relying on partners for financial support or feeling insecure about financial intimacy, and struggling with attachment issues and finding it hard to release past relationships or experiences.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 9TH HOUSE : feeling embarrassed about your beliefs and values, especially if they differ from those of your peers or family, ashamed of where you studied for university or the subjects you chose to pursue, feeling guilty about your academic achievements or the degree you hold, feeling insecure about your intellectual capabilities or how they compare to others, feeling uncomfortable discussing your travel experiences or lack thereof, feeling ashamed of the places you’ve visited or not visited, feeling anxious about sharing your philosophical or spiritual views, fearing judgment for your perspectives on life or morality, feeling guilty for being too opinionated or outspoken about your beliefs, struggling with a sense of wanderlust while feeling tied down by commitments or responsibilities that prevent exploration, feeling ashamed that others may misinterpret your beliefs or values, feeling insecure about not completing a degree or feeling unworthy of your academic accomplishments, feeling uncomfortable with enjoying or adopting elements from other cultures without fully understanding or respecting them, feeling embarrassed about not having traveled enough or not having 'exotic' travel stories to share, feeling ashamed of challenging established beliefs or societal norms, particularly those taught by educators or mentors, feeling uncomfortable or unqualified to share your knowledge or beliefs with others, fearing judgment or rejection, being excessively critical of your own beliefs or ideologies, leading to feelings of confusion or self-doubt, feeling guilty for being too rigid or intolerant in your beliefs while desiring a more open-minded perspective, and feeling ashamed of not measuring up to certain spiritual or philosophical standards set by others.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 10TH HOUSE : feeling embarrassed about who you look up to and your role models, feeling ashamed of your father or the way he acts, feeling insecure about the career you are pursuing, feeling guilty about how you climb the social ladder, feeling uncomfortable about using taboo or unconventional methods to increase your social status, feeling ashamed of your ambitions, fearing judgment from others for perceived superficiality, feeling guilty for being too focused on reputation, feeling overwhelmed by public failures and mistakes, feeling insecure about standing up to authority figures, feeling shame for wanting too much and being perceived as greedy, feeling burdened by the need to curate a specific professional image, feeling guilty for neglecting personal relationships in favor of career aspirations, feeling inadequate in your field and fearing a lack of expertise, feeling embarrassed about choosing non-traditional career paths, feeling overly concerned about public perception of your career choices, fearing being pigeonholed into a specific role, and feeling emotionally detached from your work while struggling with conflicts between personal values and professional obligations.

🥀 LILTH IN THE 11TH HOUSE : feeling embarrassed about your friends and the way you act around them, feeling insecure about your online personality and how you present yourself on social media, feeling ashamed of how you use technology and fearing judgment for your digital habits, feeling guilty for being too obsessed with online gaming or virtual communities, feeling uncomfortable about your interests and hobbies if they are seen as unconventional, feeling anxious about not fitting in with social groups or communities, fearing rejection or criticism from friends, feeling insecure about your contributions to group dynamics or collaborations, feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to conform to social norms within friendships, feeling ashamed of needing validation from peers, feeling guilty for having differing opinions or beliefs from your friend group, feeling hesitant to express your true self in social settings, feeling isolated despite being surrounded by others, as if you don’t truly belong, feeling pressured to engage in activities that don’t align with your values, feeling guilty for resisting peer pressure and worrying about the consequences on your friendships, struggling with the fear of disappointing friends by not living up to their expectations or demands, feeling overwhelmed by the complexities of group relationships, feeling ashamed if your beliefs about social issues don't align with those of your friends or peers, feeling embarrassed about having friends who are considered outsiders, feeling guilty for not keeping up with trends or fads that your friends are engaged in, worrying excessively about how you are perceived online, feeling insecure or jealous about your friends’ success and achievements, feeling pressured to compromise your values to maintain friendships, worrying that others may not view you as reliable or dependable, feeling self-conscious about unique personality traits or habits, and feeling disconnected from others in online communities despite frequent interaction.

🥀 LILITH IN THE 12TH HOUSE : fear of revealing your dreams and subconscious desires, shame around mental illness or struggles with mental health, insecurity about hidden fears or anxieties. guilt around spiritual beliefs or practices, especially if they’re unconventional, fear of being judged for retreating into isolation or needing alone time. overwhelm from emotions that are hard to express, shame around vulnerability and feeling the need to hide your true emotional state. fear of being misunderstood or judged for your inner world, shame about feeling disconnected from reality at times, guilt for engaging in escapist tendencies like drugs, alcohol, or other substances. fear of being perceived as weak for needing solitude or indulging in unhealthy coping mechanisms and addictions. fear of hidden enemies and betrayal, shame around being suspicious of others. insecurity around self-sabotage, feeling guilty for destructive patterns that hold you back. embarrassment about repressed memories or past traumas that surface unexpectedly. fear or shame around having psychic or intuitive abilities, worrying others will think you’re strange. fear of losing control of yourself emotionally or mentally, shame around emotional breakdowns. embarrassment or guilt around belief in past lives or karmic ties. insecurity about helping others or being overly compassionate in secretive ways. fear of hospitalization or institutionalization, and shame around the possibility of needing help in these areas. guilt over unexplained fears, phobias, or anxieties that seem irrational but still affect your life deeply.

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